In the first part of this (two-part) series, I went over the HOW of communicating with your pole dance teacher.
Today, it’s all about the WHAT of communication, which means the things that tend to come up once you’ve established a good relationship with your instructor.
Recitals
Lots of studios have a class recital at the end of a session. Others do a seasonal or yearly studio showcase. Either way, few things are as nerve-wracking to a student as an upcoming performance. Bell curves aside, students tend to fall into one of two categories: either they are terrified of being in a recital and don’t want to do it, or they are natural performers who secretly dream of being the star of the show.
If you’re uncomfortable being in the recital
This really depends on whether you are willing to participate, or whether you don’t want to do it at all. If the latter, that’s fine, but this may help you change your mind.
If the former, take some time before or after class to voice your concerns. Maybe some things make you more uncomfortable than others, so let your teacher know. For instance, maybe you are okay dancing as part of a group, but you don’t want to be the only one poling at any point in the dance. Or, maybe you are comparing yourself too much to your classmates and need some reassurance that you are a wonderful dancer in your own right.
Whatever the situation, be honest with your teacher and let her know as early as possible. That way she can choreograph the routine to best meet everyone’s needs.
If you’re dying to be center stage
This is tricky, but more for the teacher than for the student. Let’s face it, being the focal point of a show is a responsibility – maybe you’re ready for it, maybe you aren’t. Maybe you realize that, maybe you don’t.
So, the thing for you to do is to ask. Tell your teacher what you’d love to do – be the main solo act, or do a dazzling drop in the finale – but be prepared to be told no. And feel free to ask why not – maybe she doesn’t like to emphasize any individual at all in her group choreographies. Maybe she worked out a very balanced routine and doesn’t want to mess with it. And maybe you’re just not ready.
For the teacher, warmth and tact are the best responses. If a student isn’t ready for the challenge, tell her so, but let her know how much progress you’ve already seen in her and that you know she’ll be there one day. If the student is ready, but you already gave that role to someone else, tell her so honestly, and let her know you’ll keep her in mind for the next one. You might even consider revamping your choreography, if possible, to let your student strut her stuff.
Health Conditions
Health conditions should always be mentioned to your instructor. If you have an injury or illness that could make poling difficult, she needs to know so she can give you the help you need and keep you safe. Chronic conditions like arthritis, multiple sclerosis, back problems, and so forth should all be mentioned when you sign up for class.
New or temporary conditions may also need to be mentioned.
If you’ve been out with a bad flu, it might affect your strength when you return, which is good to let her know about. Certainly pregnancy is something that needs to be mentioned early on, since your changing shape, stretching ligaments, and altered center of gravity all dictate the need for a shift to grounded moves and dancing.
Emotional Issues
Physical movement of any kind will stir up emotions, but there’s nothing like sexy pole dancing to trigger underlying issues relating to body image and sexuality, and discussing these issues with your instructor – even one you really like – can be very difficult.
Body image.
If you are embarrassed to be in shorts or have your tummy bare, don’t push yourself to dress in ways you aren’t yet comfortable. If you can let your teacher know of your fears, you may find a lot of students feel the exact same way, which can help you feel more at ease.
Shyness about dancing suggestively.
If you are cool about pole tricks but shy about dancing suggestively in front of your classmates, only do what feels right. There’s nothing wrong with learning all you can about the moves in class, and then rocking out only in the privacy of your home.
Post-traumatic stress.
More important, if you’ve been raped or sexually abused, you may find dancing triggers you deeply and that you may need to step out of the class at times. Be gentle with yourself – physical movement will bring up emotional pain that needs to be released; give yourself the permission to clear it out as you need to. If you can, let your teacher know what you’re dealing with. You may even find your classmates are dealing with similar issues.
Safety Concerns
There are lots of safety issues when it comes to pole. Aside from the obvious ones like falling, there are also subtler ones like shoulder positioning. What you want is a teacher that talks about all these concerns and gives you tools to address them.
Your teacher should talk about posture a lot. When moving on to inverting, she should begin on the ground and continuously reinforce emergency exits as you progress.
If your teacher fails to mention these things, then it’s time to get a new teacher.
More likely, though, you will find that your teacher does address these issues, but that you have questions.
This is not the time to be shy. SPEAK UP. Safety is of number one importance in pole and if you are unsure, do not brazen through it. The odds are a bazillion to one that if you didn’t understand something, your classmates didn’t either. So, do all of you a favor and ask your teacher to clarify.
When It’s Time to Move On
If you have tried your best and you still don’t feel as comfortable as you’d like in your pole dance class, take a teaser class somewhere else and see what you think. Or try a class at your regular school, but one that is taught by a different teacher – see if that makes the difference.
Not every teacher is a good match for every student. Keep searching until you find the one that is right for you.
16th August, 2010 - Posted by PoleSkivvies - No Comments
Filed under: Confidence Boosts
There’s something about the slow heat of the summer that gets me to thinking about pole dancing, and how much my life has changed since I started taking pole dance classes.
So I thought today I’d share what I especially love about pole – maybe you feel the same!
I love the challenge of pole dancing.
I looked into pole dancing to breathe new life into my workout routine. It had become too predictable and, as much as I love dancing, I couldn’t get into my belly dance workouts anymore. I had to push myself just to do the bare minimum – it was definitely time for a change.
With pole, I have to learn to use my body in an entirely different way. I have to be stronger, my movements have to be bigger. I have to learn coordination on a whole new scale. And I love getting to learn a whole new dance style, step by step, from the ground up – literally!
I love that I feel more comfortable in my body.
I had gotten so used to small, dainty movements, that I am delighted to now find confidence in larger ones. I love kicking my leg out as I swirl around the pole. I love holding my legs in the air in a V, knowing my arms and abs have got me secure.
The stretching exercises have also loosened me up and helped me regain a flow and ease with my body, which has been a delight. It’s a whole new feeling, from the inside out!
I love feeling like I’m part of something that’s growing.
Pole dancing is so clearly in its infancy that it’s exciting to be part of it. I love watching the new groups form in support of the sport. I love watching the new gear (and workout clothing!) that stems from it all – like fancy new poles and grip aids.
And, of course, the mind-blowing choreography and theater that is developing from the heart of the pole community!
I love knowing I can find pole buddies everywhere I go!
Between the forums on Studio Veena, PoleJunkies, Vertical Dance, and WikiPole, and with the new addition of a great search tool for pole dancers, it’s easy to find a pole buddy wherever you are – even if you’re online!
So tell me, what do you love about pole dancing? 
12th July, 2010 - Posted by PoleSkivvies - 1 Comment
Filed under: Confidence Boosts
Sexy dancing isn’t what you think
This is the final post in the Countdown to Valentine’s Day series. So far, we’ve talked about the nuances of masturbation in sexy dancing, the use of the tease, and the rules and ramifications of successful hair flipping.
Today, though, we bring it all together. Today, you learn what really makes a dance sexy – and it’s not what you think.
It’s not a perfect body. It’s not a gorgeous face. It’s not perfect clothing or a gymnast’s flexibility.
Nope. None of that is what you need to make your dancing hot.
The Secret Ingredient
The one thing and one thing only that makes dancing sexy is you. Not just you being there, but you being fully present in your body, and delighting in the thrill of your own sexiness.
When you can put yourself into your dance – your heart, your soul, your passion – you will instantly make your dancing one hundred percent sexier.
Why does this work?
Most of what we are taught to think of as sexy, is really just an imitation of a woman being sexually aroused. So, if you are dancing in a way that actually connects you to your real feelings of sexual desire, you are automatically hotter than anything else out there – just by merit of the fact that you are being authentic.
Real desire, real arousal are sexier than any photoshopped thing out there.
So remember, ladies, you are the secret ingredient – and don’t ever let yourself forget it.
Own your sexiness
Sexual allure begins with enjoying your own beauty. So, before you dance, always take a moment to remind yourself of all the things that are sexy about you.
Maybe your smile would rival Marilyn Monroe’s. Maybe you have incredible ankles. Maybe you have voluptuous hips or a twinkle in your eye that makes men line up at your door.
Whatever you love about you, whatever your special someone loves about you, find it. Think about it. Delight in it.
Every woman is sexy and every woman has her own unique allure. The trick is to find that in yourself and let yourself believe it.
Give into your desire
Dancing is movement, it’s motion. So the next step is getting that mental awareness of your own sexiness to flow into your body.
Let yourself start to move within your feelings of sexiness.
Let your hips sway and rock, let your body move in a way that gives you pleasure. The more you enjoy the movement, the more enjoyable the movement will be to watch.
Remember when we talked about touching yourself when you dance? (Here’s that link again, if you need it.) Well, that’s really what we’re talking about here. Touching yourself is hot because it looks like you’re getting in the mood. So just imagine how much hotter it will be if you actually are getting in the mood.
So feel the pleasure of your body. Feel the deliciousness of your flesh. That’s the source of all sexuality – and that’s where you will find the heat for your sexiest, most tantalizing dance yet.
Valentine’s Day 911
With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, I know a lot of you are going to be planning a sexy dance for your own special someone.
For some of you, it’s going to be the first time you’ve ever planned something like this, and you are going to find you have some questions.
Like, you can only think of two sexy moves – how do you make them last throughout an entire song?
Or, you’re super shy – how do you make that work for you?
So, for all of you having last-minute freak-outs about your Valentine dance, here’s a special deal just for you:
20 minutes of emergency dance assistance – for only $12.
Really. Ask me every question on sexy dancing you can squeeze into 20 minutes.
Need help coming up with costume ideas? No problem.
Want tips on how to sexify your moves? Bring it on!
Whatever your question is, it’s just $12.
Sign up while you can – offer ends Friday, February 12, 2010. After all, I have my own Valentine’s dance to plan! 
Click here to guarantee your slot!
And have a VERY happy, sexy, and wonderful Valentine’s Day!
8th February, 2010 - Posted by PoleSkivvies - No Comments
Filed under: Confidence Boosts
Countdown to Valentine’s Day – Part Three
Just two more weeks until Valentine’s Day, so I’m sticking with my series on making the world safe for sexy dancing.
This week, it’s all about the hair.
Hair has always been considered super sexy – just look at the Goddess of Love’s gorgeous hair in these masterpieces – Botticelli’s Birth of Venus, and (my personal favorite; be sure to click to enlarge) Bouguereau’s The Birth of Venus.
Hair is the seductive accessory we always have with us – and who among us hasn’t used a well-timed hair flip to get some hottie’s attention?
Still, just because we know hair is sexy doesn’t mean we know how to make use of it when we’re dancing.
Use This Power Only for Good
A hair flip, like any sexy use of hair, casts a very potent spell. When used correctly, few things are as sensually inviting. On the other hand, there are few things as annoying as watching someone overuse the hair flip in an effort to capture her beau’s attention.
So, what exactly are the do’s and don’ts? After all, you want your hair to be enticing, not … I can’t resist the pun … flippant. (Forgive me!)
The Do’s of Hair Flipping
- DO emphasize the sensuality of your hair. Play with your curls. Let your straight locks brush against your skin. The key here is to enjoy touching your hair – because that’s a lot like touching yourself, which works so well in sexy dancing.
- DO lift your hair up and let it fall gently down again. Make it even sexier by gently moving your head back and forth as your hair tumbles down. This gives the impression of sensual reveling in the silky delights of your hair.
- DO let your hair fall like a veil over your face and sexily flip it back. This maneuver is all about the tease. Do it while bending over, do it while sitting with your legs saucily crossed, do it whenever you want to add an extra dash of mystery to your dancing.
The Don’ts of Hair Flipping
- DON’T confuse constant hair flipping with dancing. A little hair flipping goes a long way; don’t overdo it. Think of it as an accent step, rather than as a primary dance move.
- DON’T shake your hair with the beat. You are not at a jam session (well, probably you aren’t). The idea is to show off the sensuality of your hair, not to demonstrate your ability to rock out with a righteous head bob.
- DON’T spray your hair until it looks like a helmet. Nothing kills sensuality faster than plasticene hair. If your hair looks like it could survive a night in a wind tunnel, there’s no way to dance with it. Instead, go for a softer look emphasizing movement and texture.
Have short hair? Or just want more ideas?
You’re in luck! You’ll find lots of tips for sexy dancing with short hair (even things that will work with a crew cut) in Get Your Sexy On, a free guide to sexy dancing. Plus more ideas for long hair and all sorts of other tips to make your dancing smoking hot!
And, if you want a little more assistance than you can get in a PDF, set up a How to Strip class with me and we’ll get you all set up for Valentine’s Day!
1st February, 2010 - Posted by PoleSkivvies - No Comments
Filed under: Confidence Boosts
Countdown to Valentine’s Day – Part Two
Last week, we embarked on a quest for more sexy dancing by Valentine’s Day, kicking it off with a post in which I tell you to fake it and bemoan my post-coital headache.
Today, though, I thought we’d delve into the heart of all sexy dancing: the tease.
Mystery is Everything
Despite current trends towards mini skirts and micro-thongs, sexy isn’t really about putting it all out there. The fact remains that mystery is a lot more sexy – all those delights you want, but that are held just out of reach.
So, even if you’re doing a very private dance for a very special someone who is going to get a very, very happy treat at the end, you still need to maintain the suspense. You still need to sustain a level of reasonable doubt – that’s what keeps it interesting.
Which bring us to the how-to section of this post. What can you do to create that sizzle? What do you actually do to create that tease?
Teasing Glimpses
This is where you show a little skin, then hide a little skin.
- Cleavage Flash. Try wearing an oversized sweater and pulling it low enough to give a hint of your cleavage. Also works great with a button-down shirt – just unbutton a little extra. Or a t-shirt – pull it up sexily and give him a little peek.
- Glance O’Thigh. Hike your skirt up enough to show some thigh – then let it fall back into place. If your skirt has a slit, let it fall open over your leg and then saucily pull it up with your finger tip – but only for a second.
- Bottoms Up. Turn your backside towards him and wiggle your skirt up high enough to show just a taste of your bottom. When he’s begging for more, put your goodies under wraps again.
Teasing Touch
This is where you get physical – but not as much as he’s hoping! These ideas work especially well in a lap dance, but can be adapted to other dancing, as well.
- Hand Tease. Run your hands up his thighs – but stop an inch short of his crotch. Smirk as you pull your hands away.
- Approach and Withdraw. Lean over him while doing the Cleavage Flash. Just as he’s thinking you’re about to make contact, pull away and cover up.
- Kiss Off. Lean in as if you’re about to kiss his neck, but don’t make contact. Instead, let him feel the warmth of your breath for a second before you pull away.
Teasing Strip
This is where you take it all off, just slowly enough to keep him wondering if he’s going to see anything at all.
- The Cover-Up. Just because you’ve taken something off doesn’t mean you have to toss it to the side right away. Dance with it pressed up against your curves and let him enjoy the shape of you first.
- Tantalizer. When you remove a glove or a scarf or other accessory, take a moment to run it slowly over your body or lips before you fling it.
- Full Monty. If you’ve ever seen the final dance in The Full Monty, then you know this move. It’s where you take off a final layer – like your bra or g-string – while simultaneously covering up with something else. In the movie, they took off their thongs at the exact moment they covered up with their hats. Perfect!
For more tips on sexy dancing, check out Get Your Sexy On, a free guide to sexy dancing.
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25th January, 2010 - Posted by PoleSkivvies - No Comments
Filed under: Confidence Boosts
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