Take the Pole Dancer Pledge

Time to Take Some Responsibility

Lately, I find I’m hearing a lot about the problems some pole dancers are having with other dancers stealing and copying their work.

Now, if you’ve been reading this blog for awhile, you know that I generally think it is impossible to copy another pole dancer. I strongly believe that, even if two dancers have the same moves and do the same choreography, each dancer will still have their own individual style. (See How to Avoid Being Copied and Pole Dance Attitude Adjustment.)

But now I’m wondering if I’ve missed something.

Where do we draw the line?

Every artistic community has concerns about stealing and copying. Like, where really is the line between homage and theft? What of all you learned from your teacher is acceptable to incorporate into your own approach to instruction? When does having a similar style cross over into copying?

It got me to thinking about a pledge pole dancers should take, one that underscores what we consider to be community-minded in pole dance.

We all have responsibility.

It’s not just advanced dancers and teachers and studio owners who have a responsibility here. Even newbies have a responsibility that needs to be owned up to – a responsibility to insist on good instruction and safe teaching.

I’ve posted warnings time and again for newbie pole dancers, tips on how to tell if their teacher is any good (see How to Teach Pole and Be a Danger to the Public, Top Ten Traits of Pole Dance Instructors, Pole Dance Teachers to Avoid, and How to Find a Pole Dance Instructor).

Call for Community and Integrity

I think it’s time pole dancers took this issue a step further – I think we need to state the expectations and boundaries of our art, which is why I ask you to take this pole dancing oath along with me:

Pole Dance Pledge for Students

I swear to …

• Learn as much as possible about quality pole instruction before I find a teacher – and to hold my instructor to those standards. (Find out what those standards should be here, here, here, and here.)
• Not go beyond my skill level and to follow my teacher’s instructions.
• Acknowledge that pole dancing is complicated – far moreso than a newbie can learn in a year or two, barring an extensive background in gymnastics, aerial arts, ballet, or similar.
• Present myself honestly, not claiming more skill or authority than I have earned.

Pole Dance Pledge for Instructors:

I swear to …

• Get the very best training in anatomy, physical fitness, aerial movement, and pole dancing possible.
• Create my own choreographies and teaching methods.
• Get specific, stated permission and give due credit prior to borrowing dances or teaching methods.
• Acknowledge my skill level and refer students when necessary to studios that can provide more advanced training.

Comment below to take the pledge!

Be sure to write in what you would add or change to the oaths. Feel free to share the pledge with your students, too – let’s all get a conversation going on originality in performance and safety in instruction!

(When you share the pledge, I’d be very happy if you credited PoleSkivvvies.com. )

15th February, 2010 - Posted by PoleSkivvies - 3 Comments
Filed under: Jennifer's Rants

How Youtube is Sending Me into Therapy

This is what happened

Okay, so I launched a new feature last week. A new VIDEO feature.

Did you see the emphasis on the word “video?”

Let’s just say I’m having some struggles coping with this one.

Not like it’s my first video post – I’ve uploaded to Youtube before.

But this time felt different. Probably because I wasn’t doing it as a one-off. I am intending to upload video tutorials twice a month, so I’m not just doing something and letting it fall into the mists of time, the way I used to do.

So what’s the issue?

God, how I hate telling you this.

Why?

Because it’s a body image thing. And I’m supposed to be over that. I’m supposed to be all confident in how I look and never have a weak moment about it.

Yea, right.

But the truth is, looking at myself on video lands me smack-dab in the middle of some horrid, funhouse mirror Land of Terror. I just don’t like the way I look on Youtube. And it’s not Youtube’s fault. No, it’s my lighting. And the angle of my webcam. And the limited ways I can position it.

Or maybe those are just my defenses.

Maybe all that’s just my way of saying, I can’t handle how my body looks on video.

Which is awful to say, because I love the way I look in real life. Yet, when I see these videos, I’m left wondering whether I’m completely deluded in real life. I mean, how dare I go through life thinking I’m some hot, sexy thing, when, apparently, in REAL reality, I look like a damn tree trunk.

Because I cannot believe how I look on video.

It’s like I’m a goddamn linebacker with no ass and a bulbous middle.

And what’s really weird is, I actually love my stomach in real life. I flash her at my man all the time, because we are both in agreement that she’s so rockin’ hot.

Moreover, I will go on record right here and now to say my ass is AWESOME. Just truly awesome. Not bodacious, not “baby got back” awesome. But tiny, amazing-detail-for-a-miniature awesome.

But all that disappears on video. What is left is my thick-waisted, hipless body. Worse, my video is taken from an angle that looks slightly down (which I have GOT to fix), so that I only look bigger on top and smaller on the bottom.

Honestly, I have curves. Really, I do. I’m a girl, goddamnit. It’s just, I’m not an especially curvy girl. I am very … well, I am very thick. I just am. I don’t indent in my waist much at all, and I’m so short-waisted that it’s like everything was just built on the same spot with no definition visible at all.

Granted, I could just accept that the videos are showing how I look in real life – just suck it up and deal with it. But I honestly think that, while not Marilyn Monroe (except in my heart), I am curvier and less bulbous-looking than they make me seem.

So, yes, I will play with the lighting and angles. And maybe I’ll play with my clothing a bit. It’s just I hate to have to cover up when I’m so pleased with my tummy in real life.

So, maybe I’m in denial. Maybe I really am a slab of lumber with the soul of a bawdy cabaret dancer.

My pledge

But one thing I won’t do is stop videoing. At least, not because of this. I mean, I would if I felt I had nothing to share. Or if what I were sharing didn’t seem useful to anyone. But I won’t stop videoing just because I look like an orb on a two-by-four.

I will remember that my personality and sparkle and innate charm (not to mention endless talent for self-flattery), are what make me sexy in real life. That those are the things that lure people to take a second glance and see that maybe – just maybe – I’m not so globular, after all.

What I won’t do, is give up my belief that I am beautiful, even if that belief has to take a few blows.

Feeling ugly is just too exhausting.

Most of all, I’m going to believe that, since all my pole buddies are beautiful, maybe – just maybe – I am, too.

Tell me, my lovely and fabulous pole buddies, how do you handle seeing yourself on video? Is it easy? Is it hard? Has your perspective on it changed? Do tell!

***
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11th January, 2010 - Posted by PoleSkivvies - 12 Comments
Filed under: Jennifer's Rants

How to Avoid Being Copied

The Copycat Syndrome

I hear pole dancers whining about copycats in the weirdest ways. Not even about just moves, but also about being copied because someone else has a website or a forum.

I’ve got a problem with this. You first heard me rant about it here, but today I wanted to go a bit deeper. I wanted to find the answer to the one burning question underlying this fear:

What do you do to avoid being copied?

Learning new moves won’t help; any dancer can learn those same moves. Even learning some amazing new sequence won’t do it – someone else can still figure all of those out.

You can’t teach unique exercises to keep from being copied – you only wind up teaching them to a bunch of students who immediately go and use them. Nor can you create some extra special website for pole dancers – because anybody can slap up a new website in a matter of minutes.

No, you need something stronger to counteract copycats. You need something with staying power. What you need is …

A Personal Signature

Pole dancers need to develop their own style, their own approach to pole dancing. Because …

The best way to protect yourself from copycats, is to make yourself impossible to copy.

And that includes all aspects of the pole dance community. Many of us started out as the only pole dancer in our area. We were the only one teaching pole. We were the only photographer focused on pole dancing, or the only one with a forum for pole dancers – hell, the only blogger on pole dance.

But the world of pole dance is expanding too rapidly for that to continue. There will be competition – for your studio, for your performance, for your website.

To complain that it’s just copying is to miss the point.

You are not being copied. You are getting competition.

And what’s the best way to deal with that?

Be yourself.

Teach with a style that is uniquely your own.
Take photos with a passion that no one can touch.
Infuse your site with your own individual attitude.

Will you still have competition? Of course.

Will you still have to keep stretching yourself to keep up with the curve? Absolutely.

But will they be able to duplicate what you do?

Not a chance.

***
Need some help learning to bring out your own personal style? Check out these FREE e-classes (including a new one on pole dance routines). And, if you want something more specific to your situation, check out my private coaching.

***
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4th January, 2010 - Posted by PoleSkivvies - 2 Comments
Filed under: Jennifer's Rants

Pole Dance Teachers to Avoid

Let’s face it, not all pole dance teachers are of equal calibre. Some know their stuff – and some don’t. The trick for those of us taking class is to learn to tell the difference.

I’ve written previously on finding a good pole dance teacher, but today I want to highlight some classic teaching types you want to avoid.

The Ignoramus

The ignoramus is a very ubiquitous animal. Typically, The Ignoramus is either self-taught or has taken one or two workshops from famous pole dancers and considers herself fully trained in pole and ready to teach. If she is very experienced in another movement style, that is often her downfall, as she believes her skills to be all she needs to understand how to teach pole.

Students taking class from The Ignoramus should be on the look out for injuries that might indicate they haven’t been taught proper conditioning for, or understanding of, basic pole movements. For instance, muscle spasms or tendonitis. Other signs are if you are being taught cheating techniques, which can indicate the teacher does not know the proper way of getting into position. For instance, kicking up into an invert or jumping into a spin or a climb.

The Ignoramus may truly believe she is teaching properly and may be very dedicated to her students. In such cases, it can be very sad to switch teachers, but, for safety’s sake, it is the wise decision.

The Clueless Instructor

The Clueless Instructor should not be confused with The Ignoramus. Whereas The Ignoramus has convinced herself she knows how to pole when she doesn’t, The Clueless Instructor actually does know how to pole. Often very well. What she doesn’t know is how to teach it. Her failing is in not knowing how to explain to others what she does.

Some signs that your teacher is clueless are an inability to explain a move in more than one way. She may frequently say, “Just do this,” rather than breaking it down step by step. She may also be vague in her recommendations – such as saying you need to build upper body strength without giving any concrete advice on how you should go about doing that.

It can be hard to tear yourself away from The Clueless Instructor, since they are often so stunning on the pole, themselves. The trick is to see how accomplished her students are – and what rate of injury they have. If injury rates are high and progress seems to occur only for a very few, you might be studying under someone who is clueless.

The Sloppy Teacher

The Sloppy Teacher is a sad thing to see. Like The Clueless Instructor, The Sloppy Teacher may be very accomplished on the pole, but the difference is that The Sloppy Teacher actually has a strong understanding of how to teach pole. Sadly, she chooses not to use that information. Maybe she’s gotten so busy she’s overwhelmed. Maybe she’s gotten bored with teaching. Whatever the reason, this teacher talks a good game, but doesn’t walk the walk.

It can be hard to leave The Sloppy Teacher, since her dancing is so good and what she says is so on the ball. What you need to focus on is whether you are getting what she promised. For instance, she may emphasize the need for proper stretching and conditioning, yet skip over that in class. Or she may talk endlessly about injury prevention, then encourage you to attempt moves you are not close to being ready for. The best thing to do with a Sloppy Teacher is enjoy her performances – but get your training elsewhere.

The Egotist

The Egotist is a type found in all artistic endeavors. Her technique may be wonderful, or it may be profoundly mediocre. Regardless, the Egotist lives to be worshiped and views her students as groupies. As a diva bar none, The Egotist needs a camp following. She will be very, very popular with her devoted fans, but those outside her inner circle will often not understand what it is that makes her so great.

It can be hard to distinguish between The Egotist and a pole teacher who is simply very popular. The key is that, rather than promoting her students’ individual styles, The Egotist focuses on making them into little replicas of herself. She will also smile when worshiped and fail to acknowledge other dancers’ strengths.

There is not necessarily anything wrong in studying under The Egotist. In fact, if you love her as much as she loves herself, you may be very content to continue classes with her.

Have you met any of these teachers, or do you know any types that should be added to the list? Please share in the comments!
***
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21st December, 2009 - Posted by PoleSkivvies - 7 Comments
Filed under: Jennifer's Rants

When Pole Dancers Have Kids

Pole Dancing and Parenting

I have a stepdaughter.

She is very cool – lively and fun and thinking interesting things and always racing around.

And she loves to pole.

In fact, all her friends love to pole. After all, how many other families have a pole in the house? It’s like having your very own private, indoor jungle gym.

They make games out of it, jumping around the pole and leaping onto the furniture, racing around with the dog, climbing and hanging and just totally having fun.

But it makes me wonder.

How do I keep her and her friends safe when they play on the pole?

So far, this has been easy. Neither my stepdaughter nor any of her friends is really using the pole. They just jump around and play, so my main focus has been to show her how to use the level and check if the pole is in the right position, to say no one climbs the pole without an adult around, and to set the ground rule that you can’t use any lotion if you are going to play on the pole.

This has worked out pretty well. One, because my pole doesn’t get moved around, so it’s always up and has never budged, so I’m not too worried about it, anyway. Plus, she likes knowing how to use the level and squirt the pole with alcohol to keep it clean. And I love how she, with great authority, will quiz her friends before going downstairs to play by asking, “Have you used any lotion today?”

Actually, we have to watch that last one a bit – she’s great about asking, but is very friendly and generous by nature and will always decide that a friend who really wants to pole has certainly waited long enough since putting on any lotion – even if it’s only been 15 minutes. I’ve had to put the nix on things at times, but I figure it’s important.

And it makes me smile how she will tell me sometimes that she really wanted to put lotion on (and, believe me, especially in the winter in Vermont, that’s a very strong desire), but she didn’t because she really wanted to pole later on!

At what point do I step in and really teach her about proper shoulder position in pole dancing?

This one makes me nervous. I think some kids are very inclined to dance and gymnastics and they take quite readily to the rules of how you hold your body. My kid, on the other hand, is more free-form. She likes to play and doesn’t want any structure about how to move.

I figure that’s fine, since she mainly uses the pole to hold onto as she leaps and plays on the floor. But, now that she’s getting a little bigger, I find she’s starting to do some spins on her own, and I worry about her shoulders.

I honestly don’t think she’s in any more jeopardy playing as she does on the pole than she is hanging off the monkey bars at school, but I am very aware of the tendonitis twinges in my own shoulders and feel I should tell her about proper core position. At least, what I understand of it.

So I talk to her about pulling her shoulders down and holding her ab muscles strong. And I tell her why that’s important. I hope it sinks in, even if she isn’t able to apply it at this age.

I also remind myself that I played around exactly the same way when I was a kid and never got hurt. And that maybe being in my 40s has something to do with my shoulders aching.

Do I teach her specific pole dance moves or let her just play around?

This one was pretty easy in our house, because my little girl does not like to be hemmed in. She must be artistically free and, as such, does not want to learn any way of doing anything that is not her own way.

So, she just plays around and makes up stuff on her own. I’ve tried now and again to teach her easier ways to do things, but she’s not interested in studying pole – she just wants to be left alone to play.

Lately, though, she’s been asking how I do specific things, and I’ve started explaining and showing her, starting with the simple moves and basics, and emphasizing the posture lessons and exercises I’m learning myself. It’s weird, though, because I’m not a pole instructor, and I would never agree to teach pole to anyone, yet I feel I have to teach her something. Not that she really wants to use it at this stage, but she is asking.

Perhaps one day she’ll really get into pole and need lessons of her own (god willing, lessons in Vermont will exist by then), but for now I think she just needs someone to show off to and play with, and to help teach her enough that she knows there’s more to learn, if and when she ever wants it.

What kinds of issues will this bring up as she gets older?

This is a weird one. I mean, right now, nobody’s parents have seemed concerned about the pole, and none of the kids has any associations with the pole other than using it as playground equipment. But one day, she is bound to hear something about strippers.

My plan is to be very straightforward – yes, pole dancing’s origins are a bit risque, but it is now also used for a range of dancing and exercise. I will tell her that dancing is an art that has, historically, frequently been scorned by people as inappropriate, only to be embraced several years later as mainstream fun. I will talk to her of the history of tango and belly dance, and teach her that some people have always come down hard on any physical expression of music and feeling, and how they are not the people to listen to.

I am lucky that both her dad and her mom are supportive of me pole dancing – and, more than that, encourage me teaching it to our little girl. For those whose families are judgmental, this would be much harder to deal with. I mean, at least I know that everyone in her immediate world has the same view on pole and will help support her.

And I suppose there’s always the possibility that, in some dark day of adolescence, she may no longer play on the pole and may, in fact, be mortified that I pole. Then I can only hope we can talk it out the way we do everything else. And being the stepmom may even wind up working in my favor, as sometimes it’s less embarrassing what steps do, as long as your real parents aren’t the ones doing it.

How can I use this as a jumping-off point into conversations about women and sexuality and personal choice and abuse of power, and a thousand other things that pole relates to?

For me, life is all about the interconnection of things, and pole is just a microcosm of that. Anything that centers on women will always relate back to issues of sexuality and dynamics of personal power and social mores, and also into the darker side of life, where abuse of power and violence come into the picture.

I actually look forward to those conversations as she grows up. They are exactly the issues I think people need to pay attention to, and especially that young women need to understand. And I think having someone to talk to about it can help a young person find the vocabulary with which to respond to people who make snarky comments.

And I hope it teaches her to look deeper into social issues and see what’s really going on, and to learn from the individuals themselves, rather than the stereotypes that surround them.

***
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16th November, 2009 - Posted by PoleSkivvies - 4 Comments
Filed under: Jennifer's Rants

Pole Dance Attitude Adjustment

Language

There are a few words I’ve been hearing too much lately in the pole dance community. Words like “my,” and “copy,” and “stole.”

Words used in ludicrous little sentences like, “That new dancer is stealing my moves!” Or, “That’s my combo – she is totally copying me!”

Reality Check

I have never heard this kind of thing in other dance styles – at least, not unless, a day before your big opening, your choreographed company performance has just been done, down to the very last step, by somebody else.

You don’t hear ballet dancers complaining someone is dancing “their” role in Swan Lake. You don’t hear belly dancers bitch that some young upstart is copying “their” hip shimmy.

You don’t hear it, because it’s nonsense.

Every dance style is based on a set of moves that everyone learns – no individual dancer owns it. Even if a dancer combines steps into a signature style, they still don’t own the moves.

Time to Grow Up

When you’re in a club, you’re in a small space with a finite number of customers and you are making your living with your dance. In that situation, it makes sense that you wouldn’t want someone coming in and copying every move you make.

But that attitude makes no sense outside of a club.

I’ve been to a ton of belly dance performances, and 90% of the moves used were seen in every single dance. Every dancer did a three-quarter shimmy, every dancer did a Basic Egyptian.

But none of the performances seemed the same. And no one felt that they had spent an entire evening seeing the same moves over and over – even though they had.

So, what do they know that pole dancers need to learn?

You Are More Than Your Moves.

Pole dancers have gotten overly-focused on moves. You can learn every move in the world, combine them in the most death-defying ways, but that is not what will set you apart.

The only thing that will set you apart is your interpretation. Your expression. That is what you bring to your dance – and that is the only thing that you can really call your own.

If you are being you and expressing that in your dance, then that is what makes you unique and that is something that cannot be stolen.

Welcome to the Big Leagues

Pole dancers need to wake up and realize our dance is changing; it’s evolving. And our attitude needs to evolve with it.

Rather than compete with one another and guard our moves, we need to develop our individual styles such that no one can compare to us.

We need to work on creating a dance personality so unique that no one can touch it, so personal that, even if someone else dances the exact same choreography, it just won’t feel the same.

That is the moment when we become dancers.

And until then, it is what we need to be striving for.

2nd November, 2009 - Posted by PoleSkivvies - 16 Comments
Filed under: Jennifer's Rants

Trimming the Hedge

Fair Warning

This post is not for the squeamish. This is one of those posts where the weird things that circle around in my brain actually make their way to paper.

You see, I’ve been looking at a lot of pole dancers and I’ve been noticing things. I’ve been noticing that the really, really good pole dancers all perform in tiny little thongs. Little, little thongs. And I notice that they are as smooth as a Barbie doll behind those thongs, with nary a wisp escaping.

Nary a Wisp

That’s right, class, today’s topic is that most notorious of personal grooming escapades: the coiffing of the pube.

Full disclosure: You can see from my pole dance shorts page that I think a girl’s bikini wax situation is private. There is a reason for this: I hate having to deal with this particular brand of maintenance. And I feel absolutely sure that, if I’m just working out, I shouldn’t have to.

But I can see how, if I ever wanted to compete or dance at an event, I would probably want to give a little more thought to the issue.

Which I have done from time to time. After all, I love lingerie (I used to design lingerie), and I love burlesque. These are all sexy things that require sexy outfits, and a little weed-whacking in these years of the fashionable landing-strip occasionally seems reasonable.

The Implements of Torture

Oh, I’ve tried things. Various things. Different things.

Things that don’t work.

Things like shaving. I’ve tried brand new razors, moisturizing before, moisturizing after. I’ve tried numbing agents and a layer of antiperspirant (tip from the iridescent Michelle L’Amour and her lovely blog). I’ve tried rubbing alcohol and going with the grain. None of it works. All of it leaves red bumps. All of it causes itching.

The worst of which is not directly afterwards. No, that comes after you’ve put on your undies and walked around a bit and the elastic starts irritating your sensitive, newly kempt skin.

I think the only way shaving could ever work is if you spent the following twelve hours lying stark naked on your back with your legs in a wide V. But whenever I try to do that, Dennis gets overheated and I never manage to maintain that frictionless state long enough to let my bits recover.

Then there are depilatory creams. I tried this. Once. Well, almost once. Okay, I just bought the cream and never used it. How could I? I used to use that stuff on my upper lip and can still remember the burning. Why did I, even for one second, think I would ever want to risk putting that stuff near my favorite girlie bits?

Which left only one thing – the most dreaded, most feared, most unlikely that I would ever be able to do: waxing.

I’ve tried waxing strips at home, just on the outskirts of my … ahem … village. But I was too much of a wuss to do anything dramatic. And I am not possessed of the inner strength needed to go to some stranger in a salon, spread my legs wide as a drunken invite to a ship full of sailors, and let ‘er rip. Literally. I’m sorry, I can’t do it. I just can’t. It flips me out every time I think of it – and it’s not the pain. (Well, yes, okay, it’s a lot to do with the pain.) It’s just having some stranger covered with wax going in for the full monty like that. I can’t handle it.

Plus, it’s just so aggressive. I mean, these are tender areas. They should not be subjected to a massive onslaught of deforestation.

Besides, you have to wait for too much re-growth before you can go back. And is there anything more unpleasant there than stubble?

Brace For It …

Oh, yes. There is.

Gray hair.

Yes, you heard me. I went there.

I’m old, people. Deal with it. (I’m trying to.) Thanks to that one, blessed episode in Sex and the City, I can admit to this.

Still, it’s just so freakish and bizarre. Why, why, why does this have to happen? Isn’t it enough that my eyes are crinkling up and my dark brown head of hair keeps coming in silver?

There’s only one reasoned response – scissors. I figure, if I just keep removing the offending bits, they’ll learn their lesson and not return.

Not that that works, but it gets me through.

I don’t like to live in denial, but, occasionally, it makes a splendid home.

Which is all my way of saying, what do you use? And, while we’re at it, what are your pube-coiffing horror stories?

19th October, 2009 - Posted by PoleSkivvies - 12 Comments
Filed under: Jennifer's Rants

In Which I Cry and Clean the Carpets

I originally wrote this post as a simple journal entry. I’ve since decided to upload it because I think it’s something a lot of us can relate to, especially when our work is connected to pole dancing.

For the record, my life is back on track and I’m feeling much better. But for those days when pole stops being fun and becomes just one more thing you have to do, I hope it helps to know you’re not alone.

For all you pole dance teachers, studio owners, and performers who really WORK at pole, this is for you.

***

You know those moments in life when everything is going really well, but you’re crying all the time anyway?

This would be one of those times.

It’s been about two weeks now since the boyfriend and his little girl and I all combined homes. Frankly, I had been expecting a bloodbath of the “you’re not my mom!” and “I hate it here!” variety, but that hasn’t happened. Sure, we’ve had to work around some house rules that hadn’t been there before, but, all in all, it’s been an amazingly smooth transition. My stepdaughter loves her new room and the play area we have downstairs. She even liked the scrapbook I made her (yes, I made a scrapbook; I have been nesting big time).

And Dennis (that would be my man) has been fantastic. Really, this is no surprise (why else would I be moving in with him?). He’s scrubbed years of built-up gunk off the bottom of my favorite pot, and elbow-greased the rust stains out of my toilets. He’s also actually picking up after himself, since I hate clutter, but he’s doing it more than I ever would have dreamed, even allowing for everyone trying to be on their best behavior in these first few weeks.

So why the tears?

Well, Dennis’ cats now live with us – “us” being me and my dog, Rocky. This went deceptively smoothly for the first several days. Mainly, I now see, because Dennis was working those nights. But when his days off arrived, my Rocky beast started getting beaten up by Violet.

Now, Ms. Violent Violet has a long history of whacking and scratching my beast. We decided long before the move-in, that we were going to have to have squirt bottles at the ready to teach her that that has to stop. And, should that effort fail, we are getting her declawed.

Note: please don’t write me and tell me how evil declawing is. I don’t buy it. And, frankly, I don’t even give a damn at this point. I’m sick of my meek little guy being bloodied by a high-strung cat, and think I’m being more than civil by not yanking her claws out personally with a wrench.

So, the little Violet is taking out her jealousy over her dad by clawing at my beastlet. This is making my wee guy not have much appetite, living as he is with a feline batterer. So, he’s not been eating. And he’s been slinking around the house, trying to dodge the cats (although Ruby, so far, has not been such a bully as her sister).

Which is why, in an effort to entice him to eat, I gave him some canned food mixed into his dry food. But my beastlet is possessed of a tender tummy, so the change in food – which, at least, he ate – resulted in diarrhea.

Now, I’m trained in parasitology and I have Crohn’s disease, so I can usually handle diarrhea with the best of them. The first episode of diarrhea on the carpet, pre-dawn, was something I could clean up with a smile on my face. Poor baby, he’s sick. Then last night’s, I was pretty exhausted (see: pre-dawn diarrhea clean-up), but I managed it all right, too. The thing is, then I slept really, really badly, continually on hyper-alert for signs of doggie upset or cat attacks. Which would be why I woke up exhausted, headachy, and nauseous.

Fine, I thought. I’ll take the day off. I’ll recover, maybe get some writing done for PoleSkivvies, and all will be well.

Except that the diarrhea kept coming. I was taking a nap, woke up for some reason, and saw more piles and stains on the carpet. Instant guilt hit – my poor baby needed to go outside and I didn’t notice. I am a bad mother! And then came the realization that I was in for another round of blotting, wet-vac-ing (best purchase I ever made), cleaning the wet-vac, cleaning the bathroom, then washing myself and/or clothes, depending on how gross the whole experience has left me feeling.

Like any good mother, I took care of the mess, cleaned up my pup, and took him outside in case there was more (so far, nothing more). Like any good and exhausted woman, I then lay on the bed and sobbed for most of an hour.

Not just because of the diarrhea, of course. But because of what it symbolizes. Which is this:

I can’t seem to come up for air lately. I close my eyes for a second and there’s something more to do.

Right now, things in my life are going great. That’s the upside.

But the downside is, that things are going great.

For instance, the move-in was super smooth, but now I am dealing with living in a family for the first time in over 20 years.

And PoleSkivvies is going like gangbusters. I can count on one hand how many I have left in stock. But that means I need to re-stock, which means I want to incorporate the feedback I’ve gotten over the last few months and make the shorts even better. But my nicely-timed plans for getting all that done before I had to re-order went out the window when my fit-testing blew up in my face over the summer. Which meant having to start over from square one – which is why I can’t just call up and order more shorts.

Not to mention the blog. PoleSkivvies is gaining a lot of new readers, which means I kind of have to step up to the plate and actually write something twice a week that is decent enough to upload. Which means that all of my free time is now spent writing and editing and re-working the website.

Plus I just got a promotion at my day job – more money, more fun projects. But now I have to be extra creative, even there.

All good, I know.

But I’m wiped. I mean that emotionally/physically/psychically exhausted feeling you get when you are being pulled in too many directions and you can’t get any time or space to recharge your batteries.

Now, this being a pole blog, you’re probably figuring that this is where I come out and say “thank god for pole” or “then I went and worked it off on my pole and now I feel so much better.”

But I’m not saying that.

Honestly, in this moment, pole is so closely related to PoleSkivvies, it’s just more stress. It’s full of “what am I learning?” and “what do people want to know about?” and “maybe others also experience this.” It’s not pure relaxation the way it used to be.

And that’s the saddest thing. That everything going well – that, in particular, PoleSkivvies going well – is making me not only too tired to pole, but too tired to remember how much I enjoy it.

Which is enough to make a girl cry. Again.




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12th October, 2009 - Posted by PoleSkivvies - 5 Comments
Filed under: Jennifer's Rants

Pole Dancing Zombies Must Die

The Final Straw

I have now, officially, seen one too many videos of one too many pole dancers, who all apparently studied at the School of Vampira.

Flattened expressions, emotionless faces, going through the moves without an ounce of life in their bodies.

Frankly, I can’t take it anymore.

Honest to god, if I see one more video of one more pole dancer – talented, striking, flexible as a rubber hose – looking like a fucking zombie, I’m going to lose it.

I Blame the Strippers and Gymnasts

There, I said it. Feel free to unsubscribe.

But, if you can just suck it up and hang in there with me, I’d like to talk about this.

Strippers are the number one biggest influence in pole dancing. And, yes, there are strippers who use real emotional expression in their dance. In fact, I’m guessing they are the ones who make the most money.

But that is not what a lot of strippers do, and it is these zombies who, unfortunately for all of us, seem to have become the template for pole dancers all over the globe.

And, as for the gymnasts, they are just as complicit. Pole dancing involves a lot of flexibility and gymnasts tend to pick up pole dancing very quickly.

But gymnastic routines are NOT dancing. Yes, they involve elements of dance – poses, postures, moves – but when you watch competitive gymnastics, you are NOT watching dance.

The Ugly Truth

Here we stand, with the two* biggest influences on pole dancing bringing us right into the realm of the undead. So let me set the record straight:

Pole dancing without expression is boring.

Do you hear me? BORING.

For your own practice? Fine. When learning new moves? Sure. But for a performance? No way.

This is a dance, for christ’s sake.

Honestly, it’s enough for me to think all this talk of pole as empowering and releasing of one’s inner self is just so much bullshit.

BULLSHIT.

If you can’t have an actual expression on your face while you’re dancing, then you are holding back. And if you are holding back, exactly where is the empowerment?

Show Me Who You Are

Your full being needs to be in your dance. Your FULL being.

Not just your flexibility. Or your athletic prowess. Or your seamless transitions.

That is not enough.

YOU need to be in there.

Your passion, your feeling, your vibrancy – ALL of you.

Spelling It Out

Since I don’t want to have to suffer sit through another video of a stunningly talented pole dancer who is boring me to tears with her zombie impersonation, I am going to make this very clear. I don’t want to see any more of this:

• Zero eye contact.
• Zero smiling.
• Zero changes in facial expression.

For god’s sake, you’re studying a stripper art – could you smirk once in awhile? Give a coquettish glance? Smile?

Or even just fucking enjoy yourself?

Until then, I don’t think you get to call it dancing. And I sure as hell know you don’t get to call it performance.

When I Want Zombies, I’ll Ask For Zombies

If I wanted to see a bunch of zombie pole dancers, I’d rent that Jenna Jameson flick. So, since that’s not what I’m watching, could you please throw some personality into your dancing?

To let me know you’re actually a living, breathing human being.
To let me see a bit of who you are.
To touch an emotional chord and actually cause me to FEEL something.

Because that’s what makes it dancing.

Even if you’re bad at it. Even if it’s hard. Even if you are really stiff while you learn how to do it.

But you can’t just skip it or ignore it – because learning how to express yourself is a necessary part of becoming a good pole dancer.

And until you can do that, you’re just a pole dancing zombie – with a long way to go.

*Some might argue the circus is another big influence. Personally, I’m not convinced – mainly because I find most pole dancers discover the circus after beginning to pole, and not before.

If circus does gain more influence on pole, it would be interesting to see which way things would go. I’ve seen some very frozen-faced circus performances, but also some shows roaring with personality. I would be crossing my fingers for the latter!

5th October, 2009 - Posted by PoleSkivvies - 8 Comments
Filed under: Jennifer's Rants