There is no way this post can do the DC Pole Convention justice.

Partly, that’s because, as a vendor working a table, I didn’t have a chance to participate in most of the cool stuff going on.

And, in part, it’s because I got in really late last night, and am in that half-exhilarated, half-fried state in which I can barely process the incredible things that happened this weekend.

But, mainly, it’s because this event was SO FUCKING AWESOME that there’s nothing I can write about it that will do it justice.

So, keeping that in mind, let’s begin.

An answer to a prayer

What I’ve wanted for pole ever since I started going to events, was for someone to do it full-on. With workshops and seminars and shows and exhibitions and shopping. You know: All pole, all the time.

And that’s exactly what Jessalyn did.

The DC Pole Convention was a pole dancer’s dream. So many events, it was hard to choose. Instructors I’d heard of whom I was dying to meet – and instructors I’d never heard of whom I wished I’d found out about sooner. Fantastic pole dancing.

Let me say that again. FANTASTIC pole dancing.

And seminars on everything imaginable. From nutrition to poles to (my own) stage fright talk. Crazy ass games, pole jams, street poling, and lots of time to socialize and network – and even figure out that the great new person you just met is so-and-so from Facebook with whom you’ve been messaging for months.

Nearly 500 people attended. That’s a LOT of pole dancers. And that’s especially a lot of people to show up for a brand-new, first-time convention. Brilliant.

Jessalyn

Jessalyn is a visionary. She put her dream out there, and it took flight.

And she worked her ass off. If you needed something, she was there. If you had a question, she was there. If you wanted to swing from a street lamp or go crazy on stage, she was there.

How does one woman put together such a mega-event and still maintain such a personal touch?

If anyone deserves a standing ovation for this weekend, it’s her. So, stand up and give her a round of applause.

Are you standing?

I’m serious.

Do it.

She was incredible. And she did this not just for pole, but for the National Federation of the Blind. The girl did it for a cause close to her heart, and gave us a great time in doing so.

Email her, message her, shout it from the rooftops, but let her know how much you loved it. Beg her to do another one next year – and go! (That goes double for people who weren’t able to attend this year.)

A confession

Now, I know you want to hear about the dancing. I really only got to see one of the major performances, so I can only give you details on that, but first, a confession.

Yes, another confession. (There are so many weirdnesses about me, I’ll never get to the end of divulging them all to you.)

Here it is: I get really stupid around famous people.

Really stupid.

Like, I once actually cornered the wife of a locally-famous playwright at the gym. I mean, literally, wouldn’t let her get away, as I gushed and gushed about how great his play was. I mean, it wasn’t even him, and I did this. So, when I say I am stupid with famous people, I mean it.

Now, once I’ve spoken a few times or emailed a few times with even the most famous of pole people, I seem able to pull myself together and talk normally. Which is why I was able to talk normally with most of the stars at the event, since some of them I met in line at the hotel and talked to as normal people before realizing who they were. And some I met at the party and got the cooing out of the way then. And some I’d already cooed at insanely at previous events, so I had gotten it out of my system.

But there was one really, really famous pole person at the event, whom I’ve not met or emailed with in any of those situations, which means the likelihood of my being an idiot in front of her was very, very high. VERY high.

Yes, I’m talking about Felix.

In which I insult Felix

The thing about Felix is she looks exactly the way you expect her to look. She’s all laid-back and sauntery, which only exacerbated my potential for idiocy, since I am so the opposite.

So, knowing my propensities for lunacy, I tried to compensate. Which went about as well as compensating ever goes.

In my own defense, I would just like to say that I was trying super hard not to seem like deranged-stalker-with-a-girl-crush. But what actually went down was, after cooing at her bizarrely, which was my pathetic attempt to be non-chalant, I then pointedly announced that I’d backed out of her workshop.

Now, for the record, I did have to back out of her workshop. And out of Sally Ann Giles’, too. This was a working weekend for me and I didn’t feel I could leave my booth on Saturday, and then, by Sunday, I’d gotten a whopper of a cold and knew that a workshop with Felix would kill my wuss-ass little self.

But, unlike with Sally Ann Giles, whom I’d met at the party on Friday and had gotten relaxed around, and whom, therefore, I could speak to rationally, with Felix, I just spouted off. Worst of all, I don’t even remember it clearly, I just have that sickening sense of having done something appallingly idiotic.

So, I think it went something like this:

Felix: (Walks up to my table, smiles.)

Me: Oh Felix! It’s you! It’s you! Oh my god! I cancelled your workshop! I did. Oh my god, I couldn’t make it. I’m right here five feet from where it took place and wasn’t there. Just letting you know because I am being honest. Because I am insane and this is what the voices in my head make me do. So, you see, I couldn’t take the workshop. But, oh, I love you so!

Felix: (Backs away slowly, making no sudden movements.)

Now, I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure that’s full-on wack-job land. Not to mention rude as all fuck. So, I’d like to, here and now, publicly apologize to Felix.

First, for being rude.

Second, for being deranged.

And, third, for not having had the least ability to convey to her just how much I love her pole dancing.

(Felix, I will do better next time, I swear!)

Back to the performances

There was a lot to see at this event, most of which I missed, schmoozing and vending as I was at my booth. But there is one event I did get to see – the one with all the International Pole Stars of the event.

These are dancers from around the world, many of whom I’d never heard of, or had heard of here and there, but without realizing their calibre.

Really, I have got to start spending more time on Youtube. How could I have missed these performers? So, in case you’ve missed any of them, too, let me tell you about them – and then we all can while away the rest of the day hunting down videos of them on Youtube.

So, here are my thoughts on these performances. Not descriptions of each move, not breakdowns of the choreographies, just the feelings and thoughts that were racing through me as I watched.

Maria Luz Escalante

Luz has a silky style to her pole dancing, with movements that are smooth and graciously flowing. She came out all sparkly silver in a hooded robe and peeled off into a sexily-banded one piece. Stunning!

Sally-Ann Giles

A cross between a smirk and a dare, Sally-Ann is irreverent, in-your-face, and hot as hell. Her moves are strong, her attitude is spicy, and she has the best ass shimmy in the biz!

Amber Ray

If you mix Vegas showgirl with burlesque diva, and add in the kookily sexy sounds of the Spiderman theme, you’ll get a picture of Amber Ray’s performance. Hot, theatrical, and saucy, Amber Ray’s pole dancing should headline for the Rockettes.

Estee Zakar

Estee does the kind of pole dancing that always leaves you with your jaw on the floor. She is dazzling and acrobatic, and, if you ever need to find her picture, just look up the word WOW in the dictionary.

Prana

Prana has a style like no other dancer I’ve ever seen. There was something so rhythmic and captivating to her performance, it was like the seductive lure of a spider to her prey – a prey deliciously willing to be caught in her web.

Felix Cane

Seeing Felix in person is as wondrously disorienting as visiting a place and realizing it really does look as beautiful as its postcards. Her daredevil moves make you gasp, but it’s the perfect way she times even the slightest gesture to the music that takes your breath away. And to see her do her signature spatchcock live was mind-blowing!

Josiah Grant

Okay, Josiah wasn’t really part of the international segment, but he did perform right after it, and it was definitely something to see. His take on pole is flirtatious, coy, and utterly irresistible. He lives where pole and hip-hop meet – bring it on, Josiah!

Huge thanks to …

All the amazing volunteers, plus the staff of the Gaylord Convention Center, who all worked so hard to make this event so incredible.

And to all my wonderful pole buddies from this blog, from the forums, from Facebook and Twitter! It was such a thrill to meet so many of you in person. And to those I missed – especially to those whose performances I missed, I hope to catch you at the next one!

Hugs to you all!!!

Hey guys, fill in the rest of the details in the comments – I want to hear about all that I missed! And, if you have any photos of the event, send them to me and I’ll post them here!