I was reading one of my favorite blogs the other day and she was talking about communication. As in, with one’s spouse. Or with colleagues.

Not surprisingly, she didn’t make the leap to communication in pole dancing classes.

But I thought – this being a pole dancing blog and all – that that would be a really interesting topic. After all, talking with your teacher when you’re super-advanced is different than when you’re super new. And what if you’ve recently changed teachers – maybe you and your new teacher are still learning each other’s languages.

And what do you communicate about?

So, really, quite a lot of stuff in this topic. That’s why I’m dividing it into two parts. In this part, we explore the HOW of communication. In the next part, we’ll go into the WHAT.

How do you ask for help when you don’t know what you need help with? Heck, maybe you don’t even know you need help at all.

This one always reminds me of a recommendation I read years ago to women in labor. It said that a woman, when calling to tell her doctor that she is in labor, should not try to sound more relaxed or more at ease or in less pain than she actually felt. Because, you see, the doctor is listening to the sound of her voice and her breathing to interpret how far along she is.

It’s kind of the same with pole dancing. (And, no, not just because pole hurts like hell, too. Although I was tempted to title this post, “What Pole Dancing and Labor Have in Common.”)

What I mean is, trying to act full of bravado so you won’t feel like a moron in front of your fellow students can come back to bite you in the heinie. Because your teacher needs to see where you’re confused. She needs to see if you rub a sore arm after trying a new move. She needs to know if something isn’t coming together for you.

So a lot of pole dance communication comes from just being honest in showing your responses.

How much time can you take up for your questions?

This is a doozy – especially if you’re anything like me and have a tendency to talk on and on and on, ad infinitum.

You have to feel this one out. A class with three people in it is going to be able to handle questions differently than a class with 12 people in it. How I think of it is, any question you have that applies to everyone is definitely something you should ask and not worry about. For instance, questions like, “Could you show how you got into that move again, please?” Or, “How are you saying we should position our grip?”

Questions that apply only to your own progress, however, need to be handled a little differently.

Yes, questions about your own progress definitely can be asked in the middle of class – but only if they can be addressed in a brief amount of time. For instance, you could explain that you’re getting your legs confused when trying to maneuver into the new invert pose, and could she help you sort that out.

However, if, after a few attempts, you are still just as lost, then that is something you might want to bring up with your teacher after class, or before the next one. For really involved questions – like, when everyone else has moved far beyond you in class and you’re still really stuck – see if you can set up a private session. Private sessions are ideal because it’s all about you and your progress, and you can ask any question you have, and even determine whether you’re in the right class for your skill level.

How do you tell your pole dance teacher when you think you’ve outgrown her?

Ah, I can only surmise on this one, since I am a few lifetimes away from ever having to encounter this problem.

Nevertheless, this being my blog and all, I will tender a few opinions. The first of which is TACT. You will need some. After all, this can be a touchy subject. The best teachers will have been watching your progress for some time and will have seen this coming. They may even help you avoid the entire issue by inviting you to become an instructor at the school. Or by wishing you well and offering help in finding training resources at your advanced level.

Sometimes, though, you’re going to find your teacher is very threatened by your progress. After all, insecure people are everywhere. (And we’re all insecure sometimes.) If you think this is your situation, you can either be straightforward, thanking them all the while for their help as you learned. Or you can take the easy way out (why not? Sometimes it’s the best approach.) and just tell them your schedule has changed and you won’t be able to attend classes there anymore.

Shyness

Okay, this isn’t really a question, but shyness is a big issue in any dance class, and the sexiness of pole dancing can make it even more central.

I’m no expert in shyness, but it seems to me that shyness takes a lot of different forms. One person might feel too shy to do the choreography in front of everyone. Another might feel too embarrassed to ask the teacher a question in the middle of class. So, different types of shyness are going to require different responses.

But one thing that can be helpful is to just let the teacher know ahead of time that you’re shy about some things. That way you’ll have a sense before you even enter the classroom of what the rules are – whether you can opt out of dancing in front of others, or whether you can save your questions to ask the teacher privately immediately after class. Most of all, you’ll know if that instructor is going to be respectful of your needs long before you head into class. And, if you’re too shy to speak to the teacher on your own, see if you can enlist a friend to go with you for moral support!

What have your pole class communications been like?

What are the things you discuss with your pole dance teacher? What kinds of questions do your pole students bring to you? We’d love to hear!