Faking It Sucks
Glazed is NOT Sexy
I was watching a video the other day of a model getting ready for a photo shoot. She was about 17, very pretty, and seemed quite comfortable with the camera. She was all done up and looked gorgeous.
But what she wasn’t, was sexy.
Not even slightly. Oh, she was trying – she was doing her best to look sexy. It’s just that her best didn’t work. How could it? She was too young and too unknowledgeable of her own body and her own desires to pull it off.
So she did her best to imitate what she thought sexy was – she did a vague pout and glazed her eyes over. After all, that’s the look that fashion magazines have been touting as sexy for years now. Men’s magazines, too.
Apparently, looking devoid of desire and passion is the new sexy.
My long list of grievances with this
Correction: my VERY long list of grievances with this. Let’s start with, if you want to fuck a woman who is feeling no desire and no passion, you are a very sick and twisted son of a bitch.
We can then move on to, why are girls so young as to not know their own sexual selves being presented as the face of sexuality? And, please note, they are not just being presented as that to their own age group, but to those a decade (or several) older. Although it may be less ridiculous for them to be shown as the face of sexy for their own age group, I have to ask why an honest approach isn’t possible even for them? Meaning, a look of youthful curiosity and wonder, lacking the glaze.
And how about, whatever happened to the fullness of adult life and adult sexuality – which is the bulk of our lives, and used to actually be considered the very prime of life? Why is that no longer sexy enough? It’s been sexy enough to keep the species going for millenia, and it’s sexy enough for us all to keep getting laid, despite not looking like glassy-eyed ingenues.
But, really, my list boils down to this: looking sexy comes from feeling sexy.
Repeat: LOOKING sexy comes from FEELING sexy.
Just repeat that ad infinitum.
So how did this become so common in the world of pole dancing?
Be honest now – you’ve seen it, too. A wonderful pole dancer with a Maxim magazine glaze to her expression while she gyrates around the pole and rolls on the floor.
WHY IS THIS SEXY? Seriously, why? I don’t get it. Dancing, to me – and I’m going to tell you right now it should be this for you, too – is an intimate experience. It should bring your feelings and your soul to the surface and transport them across the music and movement.
So how does something so intimate and glorious, so full of passion and life and intensity get reduced to glazed eyes and a pout?
Think about the last time you got laid.
Do it. Think about how you communicated to your partner that you wanted to have sex. Did you let your eyes glaze over? Did you put on a pout like a spoiled little trophy wife who hasn’t gotten her diamond bauble yet? Did you let your face go totally blank and unresponsive?
Because if you did, I honestly think I’m going to vomit.
That’s not what sex is supposed to be. No one is supposed to numb out – or look numbed out – in order to have sex. It’s just disturbing.
So why is it so popular now to look like that?
And why the hell is it infecting my favorite art form?
What I’m guessing you did to get laid.
I’m guessing you smiled.
I’m guessing you used your best come-hither glance.
I’m guessing you touched your hair. Or your neck. Or some other tantalizing expanse of your body.
I’m guessing you let your playfulness be visible.
I’m guessing you let your desire be seen.
What I bet you did NOT do to get laid.
I bet you didn’t lie there like a dead thing.
I bet you didn’t go as beige as possible and hope your partner would figure it out.
I bet you didn’t stop smiling and expect your mascara to do the talking.
What this should mean for your pole dancing.
Am I telling you to have sex with your audience? No.
Am I telling you to have sex in front of your audience? No.
Am I saying that every type of dance you do has to be obviously sexual? No.
But I am telling you that you have to connect with your body and your own passion if you want to give a good performance.
I am telling you that, whether you emphasize sexiness or playfulness or any other feeling in your dance, you can’t do that by faking it. You have to actually be there.
Feeling the desire the music inspires in you. Feeling the fun or the intensity or the whatever the hell it is, is what changes your routine into dancing. That’s the thing that casts a spell on your audience, and it’s the thing that sets you apart.
Moral of the story.
Don’t fake it.
I’ve been thinking about how learning how to really feel the dance and not just do tricks could be added into classes since the classes I’m in now don’t really teach it.
I was thinking, since it’s not already being taught in class that it would be neat to have an entire class just on that. A class where you can go in knowing that you’re not going to learn any new moves. That you’d just learn what makes a performance good, and how to do it with the moves and tricks you already know.
I also like the idea of adding in improv at the end of class (even though my mind tends to go blank when I do it, lol). I think it would help a lot.
Not being offered ‘performance training’ (or whatever it’s called) in pole class got me thinking it might actually be difficult to teach. My instructors are awesome dancers, performers, and teachers of moves, which makes me wonder why they don’t teach ‘performance’ stuff.
Anyway, that’s my thoughts on it. I’m dreaming of being an instructor sometime in the future, so it’s been in my mind a bit.
seriously!
i absolutely love your rants!!!!
please keep them coming!
@Blume Bauer – You know you’re in trouble when you’re pole dancing and your audience is BORED.
@Private Dancer – So true. If you want to dance, SHOW IT!
@Heather – My belly dance teacher used to end each class with different improvs to help us learn how to emote while dancing, so, to me, that is just part of any class. Of course, special classes devoted to that (or just to spins or tricks, for that matter) are great, too What are your thoughts on it?
*hits the ‘like’ button*
As usual, well said.
I’ve been a dancer since I was about 4 years old because of the way it brings your emotion and soul to the surface (well, I didn’t start taking dance lessons until I was about 6, but I danced to my dad’s music in the basement long before that – I don’t know if I was a good dancer, but I know it made me FEEL good. And I definitely moved to the music, lol)
I wondered what your take is on teaching that sort of thing in a pole class. Should it be taught during a normal pole class? Should it be an entirely different class altogether? Should it be taught in a normal pole class? Do you think you can teach both new tricks and that sort of ‘feeling-into-your-movement’ at the same time?
Of course, I already have my own opinions on this, but I was curious about what your thoughts on it would be, since you actually do teach it (some of it, or all of it) with your stage presence instruction.
Great post, so true! I was recently watching a video of a pole dancer who had amazing tricks, strength, and grace. But she had this vacant look on her face like she was just going thru the motions.
It took away from her performance big time. I felt like screaming at my computer screen,”do you WANT to be there on that pole? Cause your face looks like you are bored as HELL!”
Great post Jennifer! And so right on!! It’s so true that a performance with those glazed over eyes and dead expression really doesn’t capture sexiness at all, in fact, it makes me start looking for something else to watch that is more exciting.